I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
