woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
