My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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