OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
