I accidentally had phone sex last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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