I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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