I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
