Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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