My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This baby is an asshole
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
