apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
