i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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