I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
