looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
