you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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