Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize