just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
