I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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