i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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