my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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