No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
