that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
