Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
