Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
