I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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