i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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