i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
