why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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