you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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