Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
