btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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