oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
