Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He better not be in your backpack
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
