I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
