If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
