Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
