is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
