I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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