You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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