Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
