Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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