Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
