it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
