WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
