no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
