We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
