Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
