My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
