if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
