Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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