WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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