Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
