I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
