found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
