I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
