had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
