I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
