I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
