Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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