Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
