I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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