she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
