He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
