Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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