youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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