and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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