What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
