She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
