He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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